Torn Tuesday, March 10, 2015 @3:34 AM

I wonder if what I'm feeling, supposedly, to be wrong or right? Right now, it's seemingly hard to figure out.

An indescribable feeling of wanting to have someone only to yourself. Does that ever occur to you? Call me selfish, I don't care, but it's the truth. I don't know what is wrong with me but I find it so hard to accept the fact that, you have someone else in your heart that you favour; pushing me off bit by bit, and ended up being at the bottom of your list. As if I'm no longer visible to your sight.

A second choice. That's what it feels like.

To be feeling like this, when you're so happy to be with that person, is very wrong of me. It seems like it's a bad habit of mine, to want things I know I can't have. All I want is to see you happy. For once, I need to let go of this feeling called, jealousy, and just move on. Knowing that this other person can make you feel good about yourself and make you feel all kinds of excitement until you can no longer hold in your feelings whenever you tell me stories about that person, is something that you should never lose, ever. The only resolution to this matter, is me, being your best friend, like I always am, but minus being the center of your attention. I no longer hold the position of being first, anymore, and I don't mind that-- as long as I can see that genuine smile of yours, plastering on your face then I'll be fine.

Also, another thing that's bothering me is that, I'm not so sure if I'm worthy of keeping this person to myself. Although I've been told by him that I'm one of his dreams but the thought of having him, is too precious. I'm so torn of wanting to keep him to myself or just let him be with the one that suits him better but I don't want to be running away from him, no, because I know, if I do, it will complicate this much more. I'll miss talking to him and I'll miss every bit of him that has been inside my memories. I thank Him, for his existence and for giving me the chance to meet someone as thoughtful as him. I don't want to be losing him, no, not ever, and I will never have the heart to leave him but with all my heart, I swear to god, he deserves someone much more better than me.  One, that can motivate him and give him soothing words of encouragement, for he is someone who would put everyone else ahead of him, who claimed that his happiness doesn't matter, who fails to see the wonders of his own self, and the charms he possessed. For someone who gets to be with you spending the rest of her life as your wife, would be the most lucky person ever. I want  you, the same way as you want me, I swear, but am I worthy of that? I can never be up to par with anyone, no matter how much you convince me. I will always be the one that, no one would ever think of being with.

I don't know what the future holds, but if it is to be with you, then I want to and I won't miss the chance for the world. He has written the future and whatever had been written is the best for us. May fate bring us both together in matrimony.