Where have I been? Tuesday, March 3, 2015 @9:56 PM

Honestly, I don't know where to begin. I may or may have not forgotten the sense of having to write something. It could have gotten lost somewhere. I just need to dig it up and grasp back the feeling. I find it hard to express myself especially in something written (like a blog) because I forgot how to put and explain my feelings into words. Though this time, I really want to give myself another chance. My words may get all jumbled up and yes, it's one of my insecurities. I have become someone, who is not expressive as I was, back then.

It is as if something is holding me back from writing. Sometimes, I feel like I'm lacking too much. My words are never as fancy as everyone else. Everyone is soaring free in the sky and I'm still figuring out why I still can't fly. Long story short, I'm the ugly duckling ((though ducks can't actually fly)).

I know it's a bad habit of mine to be thinking lowly of myself but everyone does that too sometimes. A habit that I can't actually get rid of. I know I need to overcome this feeling, because after all, writing does gives me satisfaction. To actually express myself in a way that feels a bit different from expressing feelings to my own kind.

Today, on the 3rd of March, the day awaited for me ever since the early year of 2014. The day I finally get to know my SPM results. People have been telling me that, even though you can't get much for SPM, it's not the end of the world. Well, true that-- but this feeling of mine, it can't be changed. I let myself down and I let my mom down. I was expecting more than what I have gotten but what has done, is done. I should not question it much further. Allah has planned the best for me. I just need time to sort out my feelings. I hope I will get better in time. Whatever may come next, I hope that my heart is ready to face it.

Despite all of those feelings--- I am overwhelmed by the people around me. Oh Allah, thank you for sending them to me. I am not sure myself, if I am worthy to keep all of them. I shall treasure every each and one of them, for as long as I can.

"Aimi, trust me. You have the qualities of a successful person. You are really nice, your communication skills are excellent, and you look charismatic (like I told you before)-- with these great qualities, you will defo be able to ace at anything you put your effort into. And to be honest, I think I have seen enough to tell you what is important in life, is attitude. I've been to university, and from my observations, the most successful person rarely is the brightest but it's always the one with great attitude." - Miss Aisyah (a teacher of mine from Oxford Language Centre, currently chasing her dreams to become a doctor) 

"My words are just words of encouragement but what makes it happen is you, yourself! Don't give up and don't think of failing. There is always an obstacle. I'm not yet great! sure buzz me whenever you have any questions. All the best Aimi! Remember there s always a chance. Jangan putus berdoa." - Kak Milin (A senior of mine, currently pursuing her studies in Law, will be flying to UK soon)

"The past is the past. You can't change what is in the past but you can change for your future. So focus on what matters now, for the betterment of your future. Adik mymy, this is my ayat! No copy2. I made it myself. Do I sound like a philosopher? Well, I am a future philosopher you know? Cheer up, my adik." - Dydy (an annoying brother, best friend, listener and panda, a future psychologist soon) 

"My little sister. Don't be discouraged. We share the same date of birth and we also share the same spm result. You are able to beat your sisters' and brothers'  records. Now that's my little sister!" - Cekni (annoying sister of mine)

"You're amazing. You know that no matter how alone you are, we're always here for you. You're special, baby dear. You're aimi." - Rahmatullah (most likely the sweetest guy best friend I'll ever have, from Oxford) 

"Congrats aimooo *inserts a long list of heart emojis* You did great. Have high hopes. Your result is okay. There are more with worse results and I mean that. You're okay." - Qistina Qistano (my annoying wittle bitch)

"Aimiiiiii, congratulations for your result, my adik manis" - Hazeem (my lovable annoying driver and best friend)